I absolutely loved listening to the other women’s birth experiences and always wondered what mine would be like. Would it be hard? Would it be long? Would I have the natural birth that I really longed for? Turns out it was all these things so here’s my story…..

I was 40 weeks + 2 and was so sure that Bubba D was going to be late that I absorbed and researched all the information I could about induction and how to avoid it. I had my heart set on a natural water birth at The Birth Centre and I felt that being induced would more than likely lead to further intervention down the track so I had made the decision that I was prepared to go to 43 weeks (with careful monitoring of course!) before I would consider induction.

It was 11.45am on Thursday morning the 4th of March and I sent my girlfriends back home (in Australia) an email update on how things were progressing and said that they shouldn’t expect any news for at least another week as I didn’t think there would be any action until then. I also told them of the intense amount of pressure that I was feeling as he was fully engaged now and that my nether region felt like I’d been riding a horse for 20 hours straight! I was well and truly over being pregnant!

I guess Bubba D was listening and sensing my impatience as not 15 mins after sending the email I had my show. I was excited that things were beginning to happen but also realistically knew that this didn’t necessarily mean labour was imminent so went about my day as normal and took my weekly photo of my belly to add to my pregnancy journal. I rang my midwives Katie and Emma to let them know I had had my show and would keep in touch if anything else happened.

3 hours later I had my first contraction. It was weird as I wasn’t quite sure if it was a contraction or not as I obviously didn’t have a clue what they felt like but I had read a few days earlier that contractions tend to start in your back and then come around to the front which is what I thought was happening. It took a few more of them for me to confidently say “yes! I’m having contractions!’. They were pretty mild and between 10 to 20 mins apart so I just continued to faff around the flat and ensure that all the washing and housework was up to date. I had my clary sage and lavender burning and had all the candles lit to ensure a nice calm and relaxed atmosphere. The afternoon and evening went on with my contractions still about 10 mins apart and only about 30 seconds long.

It was 10pm Thursday night when my contractions finally increased in intensity and were now coming every 5 minutes and lasted between 40 and 45 seconds long. At midnight I had more of my show come away followed closely by a hefty dose of diarrhoea. I rang Katie and she assured me that was all normal and that things were progressing nicely (albeit it slowly). She said to call her again once the contractions were lasting longer (about 60 secs) and were 3 mins apart for a duration of about 2 hours.

At this point I decided it was time to get myself ready so I double checked my birth bag and packed all the last minute items and then had a shower and washed my hair so that I would feel refreshed for whatever lay ahead. It was a rather strange feeling to be blow drying my hair at 1.30am in the morning!!!

At 3am my husband Evan put me to bed so I could try and get some rest but about half an hour later the contractions increased in intensity again so thought it may be time to get the Tens machine out.

At 6.30am Friday morning (16 hours after my first contraction) everything came to a standstill. I had been experiencing contractions every 5 minutes for the past 9 hours and then all of sudden, they went back to every 20 – 30 mins apart. By this time I was getting really frustrated, not to mention tired, so I rang Katie to ask her advice. She said this was totally normal for first time labour and informed me that this may go on for a couple of days. I don’t need to tell you the profanities that were running through my head when she said that as I’m sure you can imagine but I managed to stay calm and took her advice to rest while my body was giving me the chance and waited patiently for Katie to visit later that morning.

Katie popped her head in at 10am Friday morning to see how I was travelling and to ensure Ev was coping too! I asked her to examine me as I wanted to know what was going on however fully prepared myself for her to tell me I was only 1 cm dilated to avoid disappointment. I nearly jumped up and did a dance when she told me I was 4 cm dilated and my cervix was paper thin (i’m sure that was due to the 4000 cups of raspberry leaf tea I had drunk over the past few weeks!). She also said she could feel Bubba D’s head and that he had a nice head of hair. Hearing this news gave me such renewed energy and relief that the past 20 hours hadn’t been for nothing.

Katie anticipated that things would kick off again about 5pm this afternoon and that I should expect to meet Bubba D either later that night or early the next morning. Ev and I were so excited and it was then that it hit us that we would be bringing our son home within the next 24 hours. Even though I was under strict instructions from Katie to rest, rest, rest I felt like I was on a high and just couldn’t calm my mind so I put on my hypno birthing cd and gave myself a manicure and pedicure – no easy task at 40 weeks pregnant and having contractions!!!!

Sure enough at 5.30pm, exactly when Katie said they would, my contractions got closer and much more intense so it was time to get walking to ensure they continued to get longer and stronger. Over the next hour we wandered the streets of Lavender Hill stopping every 4 to 5 minutes to breath through the contractions. I had a few different mantras to get me through labour but the one that stuck and really helped me deal with each contraction was ‘relax my jaw, relax my shoulders, relax my pelvis’. As soon as a contraction starts your natural instinct is to lift your shoulders and tense your body but reminding myself to relax and keep my breathing controlled definitely helped me deal with the pain of each contraction.

Once we got back home I ensured I had a decent meal and then another hot bath. Come 9.30pm my contractions were regularly 3 to 4 mins apart and 60 to 90 seconds long and it was at this time we rang Katie and said we were ready to come into the Birth Centre. Ev got everything together while I continued to manage my contractions. As we headed off all I could think about was that the next time I walk through our front door we will have our son with us. At that point I had another cry! (I had had several throughout the past 32 hours!!!!). Driving to the Birth Centre was quite a bizarre experience – as we drove through Clapham Junction at 10.30pm on Friday night we watched as people were spilling out of the clubs and bars all in the party mode and Ev and I looked at each other and simultaneously said “we couldn’t be any further from that lifestyle right now!”.

We arrived at the Birth Centre at 11pm and Katie was there to greet us. She had our room ready with candles burning, the pool filling and relaxing music playing. It was so calming and both Ev and I felt completely at home. Unfortunately my contractions hadn’t increased in frequency so Katie told me take this time to rest as best I could. By 1am I’d had enough and was getting completely bored with this whole malarkey and wanted to get some proper action going on so I asked Katie to examine me as I wanted to know what was doing. She did so and didn’t say anything – which I new wasn’t a good thing. I had only dilated one more centimetre in the last 15 hours. Needless to say, I dropped the ‘F’ bomb for the second time since starting labour! I asked her what I could do to get things moving because I was absolutely fed up and getting really impatient by this time. Katie suggested she could try to break my waters. She said it would almost definitely mean my contractions would increase in intensity but not necessarily in frequency – I was willing to take the chance as I really wanted to get this show on the road!

As Katie tried to break my waters, I contracted a further centimetre but my waters didn’t break. So I got up and headed for the birth pool in the hope that gravity might do the trick but still nothing. Now from here on, a lot of it is a blur and am guided by Katie’s notes as once I hit that water things went from zero to a hundred very quickly. After 35 and a half hours of labour I was pretty knackered but knew I had to pull on all my reserves as within 15 mins of getting into the pool I was in transition. My contractions were insanely intense and back to back in frequency so I went into a zone of controlled breathing and visualisation. One of my other mantras was a bit of a reality check and to remind myself that 300,000 other women are going through the exact same thing at the same time but at that point I didn’t care for reality – in my head – I was the only one experiencing this amount of pain and I wanted everyone to know it!!!!!! Ev tells me there were a couple more ‘f’ bombs dropped at this time.

I had been in the water only 30 mins before I had the urge to push. I told Katie I needed to do a poo as I knew she would know that meant I was ready to push. Katie was surprised that I was feeling that already as I had only been 5cm dilated 30 mins earlier. I assured her in no uncertain terms that I was feeling immense pressure and the need to push so she decided it was time to ring my second midwife Emma to come and join our little party!

It was 2am and Katie suggested I should try the gas and air to help as I was starting to scream the house down. I really struggled with it as I just couldn’t get it together to breathe it in as all I wanted to do was scream but with Ev shoving it in my mouth and giving me no choice but to suck it in, I finally got the hang of it. (Poor Ev, one thing I do remember thinking was that he looked like he could do with some gas and air!!!) For me, I felt like it didn’t really help reduce the amount of pain I was in but what it did do was help me concentrate on my breathing rather than focusing on the pain. Although both Ev and Katie would say otherwise because as I was saying ‘this isn’t working’, my eyes were rolling into the back of my head and my head was swinging from side to side like a drunken old man so I guess it may have taken the edge off!!!

By 2.30am Emma had arrived and I was fully in the zone and bearing down with each contraction. By 2.50am I was ready to push so Katie advised me to stop using the gas and air so that I could be fully aware and in control of my body for this next stage. The one thing that stuck with me from the birth prep classes was to ensure that with each contraction, I expel nice long controlled breathes and try to get 3 to 4 pushes in each contraction. Using the s’ing breathing technique really helped me to do this well and I pushed like I was doing the worlds biggest poo!!

Apparently at 3.01am, only 10 mins after starting to push I was complaining it was taking too long and Emma reassured me everything is progressing normally and with that, I drop another ‘f’ bomb saying “f! this hurts!!!!’

I knew he was close as I was feeling the ring of fire now so I put my head down and focused on pushing out his head. I hadn’t eluded to the girls how close I was so when I said ‘something is out’, they didn’t really believe me! Emma put the mirror in the water and said to Katie, “Oh My God! She’s pushed the head out already!”. I gave 2 more pushes and our son, Astyn Lee Davidson was born at 3.08am – only 1 hour and 25 mins after being 5cm dilated!

Now this is where I begin to regain my memory. It felt like waking up from a dream and slowly coming too as Katie and Emma’s voice drifted back into my consciousness and when I finally focused on what they were saying I snapped into action….”Jenn, you’ve got to bring your baby up, you’ve got to bring your baby up!” I was still in such a zone that I didn’t realise and he was just floating around on the bottom of the pool!!!! I quickly brought him to the surface and with that he let our an almighty cry and Emma says “He’s saying hello to his mummy!”.

My first words were “look at his little willy” followed by “no women is ever going to be good enough for you” followed by “yay, I did it!”.

I had chosen to have a physiological 3rd stage so while I was delivering the placenta (which took about 30 mins) Ev had skin to skin contact with Asty. I then had a shower and was examined by Katie and Emma and they confirmed that I had no tearing and everything was looking very good. I strongly believe that using the epi-no in the weeks leading up to the birth played a big part in that outcome and in fact when Katie examined me again 2 days later she said it didn’t even look like I’d had a baby! I highly recommend the epi-no!!!

At 4.50am Ev, Asty and I all got into bed together while Emma & Katie made us a great big breakfast which I couldn’t wait to eat!!! At about 6am and our stomachs full and satisfied, Katie and Emma went home and left us to have a sleep and spend time together as a family. Ev went out like a light of course (he looked liked he’d given birth!!!!) but I couldn’t sleep – I just couldn’t take my eyes off my little man.

He’s now 6 weeks old and my love for him grows every day. I have to be very honest and say that those first few weeks are really tough and even though at times, you think you won’t – you will come out the other side and while being a mum is the hardest job I’ve ever had, it is without a doubt the most enjoyable and rewarding – especially when you get a full smile and gurgle for the first time.

I wish all the mummies-to-be the best of luck and really hope your birth experiences are what you hope for and don’t be afraid – this is what our bodies are built for and we are women, we are capable of great things!

For the meantime though I will enjoy, and get my birth story written while I can still remember.

You will remember me announcing at birth prep on the wednesday that I was absolutely going to give birth on my due date – saturday the 10th. Saturdays are so much easier for child care for the boys, plus my midwife was going to australia the next week so I didn’t have the luxury of being 2 weeks late. Plus in that last week i truly felt like my pelvis was about to shatter and I had increasing pressure on my bottom – I could barely walk – this had never happened in any of my previous pregnancies – and I even developed a bit of SPD which was incredibly uncomfortable.

I had agreed with my midwife that I would go in for a sweep on the friday morning to try and ensure a timely onset of labour. However when she examined me she found my cervix was too high up/posterior for her to even reach. I went away doubting my saturday arrival date for the first time….

That afternoon I felt increasingly uncomfortable with more and more pressure on my bottom and an achy lower back, but nothing new and noteworthy. Rob went out for dinner that night and I sat down to eat in front of the TV and for the first time in Cath history was unable to face my dinner. I aborted to toast and jam instead (Looking back I have eaten this before all my labours and have decided this craving for white starchy carbs versus my usual healthy fibrous fayre must be a subconscious effort to avoid doing a poo during delivery).

I just could not get comfortable that evening and when I went to bed my lower back and bottom were feeling increasingly pressurised. I had no reason to believe any of this was the onset of labour as my other two had been so linear – a show at 3 cm, waters breaking at about 7cm, contractions coming more regularly, getting stronger etc. I had had a lovely labour with Harry as my hypnobirthing had worked wonderfully. I had got into my own little zone with each contraction, breathed and low groaned through them and been perfectly normal in the space in between. So far I had no show, no contractions. At about 1030 I became even more uncomfortable and by midnight I thought I could possibly distinguish some 30 second long cramps but to be honest I was so uncomfortable in between them that it was hard to tell. I tried to time them and they came at 3 minutes apart, then 7 minutes, then 5 minutes and so on. I decided I was in very very early labour, or false labour and became very annoyed that it was starting now as contractions this irregular meant going into established labour the next day after being awake all night. I took some paracetamol, did my best to ignore what was going on and get some sleep as I was in for a big day the next day.

By 1am I realised I couldn’t sleep through as my back was aching so much so I got into a warm bath. I figured I would try to last out until 6am before telling rob it was all going to happen as it was so early on in the process that at least one of us should get a good nights sleep to be able to deal with the boys the next day.

At 1.30 am my contractions started properly and I knew I was in labour. I tried to get into my hypnobirthing zone and use all my birth prep breathing techniques but Nadia blowing that little paper boat away was not touching the sides! The contractions were so intense and so strong, and so different from my previous labours going straight down into my bottom that they took me completely by surprise. I couldn’t get into my zone as they were lasting about 40 seconds, which is not very long, but I had a maximum of 5 seconds off before the next one started rolling! I did my best to count down from 10 to 1 which is how I coped with Harry’s contractions, and in the absence of being able to zone out just continually told myself to relax my shoulders and jaw as I know how valuable that is and to keep my noises low and not high pitched. I tried lots of “ahs” but they all ended in a mooing style grunt and were far less yogic than the ones we practiced in class!

At 2 am (still in the bath) I called Rob down who was also confused by how strong my contractions were, how short they were and how little time there was between them. I had a moment when I very much regretted not having done a partners workshop with you this time as I asked him to rub my lower back and all i got was a token useless stroke. I told him to get his effing hands off me and continued on without any massage. He called the midwife and they decided even though it was probably early on we should probably go in. She sounded a bit disgruntled at being woken up for what was probably the early stages. At 2.30 he called the taxi and a friend to come and look after the boys. He ran around gathering up belongings, hospital bags etc while I lay in the bath and tried to wimper loudly enough for him to hear in the 3 seconds I had off between contractions that I needed help getting out the bath and dressed, ideally prior to getting in the cab. Getting dressed was agony as I had no respite. My friend arrived and we got in the cab and left her to deal with James who was found cowering under his covers saying “why was mummy making those noises???”

The cab dropped us a few feet from the hospital doors and in that small distance I had three continuous contractions. I knelt immediately onto a wheel chair as I could not walk. THis was all very confusing as with Harry I had arrived at the hospital 9cm dilated and was both fully compus mentus and mobile in between contractions. I was wheeled through the corridor with my hands over my eyes to block out the light with a continuous chorus of “aaah!” (which was actually more like an “aaaargh!!)

We got up to the room and the midwife asked me to go to the loo and do a urine sample before she examined me. (Now might be a good time to guess how dilated I was !) I sat down and she put a bowl underneath me. She then changed her mind and before I could do a wee she asked me to climb on the bed instead. I climbed on and with one foot planted and the other under my bottom as I wasn’t quite properly on the bed yet she said “don’t push cath, no pushing, pant pant pant no pushing, here’s your baby”.

At 3.33am Baby Evie effectively fell out in her amniotic sac in 33 seconds under strict instructions to actively NOT push as she would have come out too quickly! My midwife had spotted her head coming out when I sat on the loo and decided to take immediate action before I lost my baby down the toilet!

It’s now no surprise to me that I couldn’t walk and how intense the pain was when I was in the bath at home. I have to say that it was the shortest of all my labours but the most intense because I literally had no break in between contractions. And because I was so confused by where I was in the whole process. THat said, the delivery was the easiest of them all and did not hurt one bit – no ring of fire, no stinging. All I experienced was a relief not dissimilar to dislodging something that’s been annoyingly stuck in your teeth for a long time!

I’m very relieved I didn’t wait till 6am to wake Rob

So for my swan song, here are my final tips.

Do your perineal stretching. If there is one thing that you only do, do this and do it regularly. It works. i attribute 3 children with no tearing to regular perineal massage from 36 weeks, plus birthing positions that allow gravity to work its magic and open you up (eg squatting)
Use a hypobirthing cd and even if you think it is a load of rubbish and it isn’t working, listen to it anyway.
Close your eyes during contractions.
Make sure people know not to talk to you during contractions
Use sound effectively(again – “think orgasm not bikini wax”). Keep your groans low.
Relax your jaw and shoulders
Do yoga or some sort of yoga dvd which incorporates squats and hip openers
walk walk walk
Don’t expect labour to do what the text book says it does. If you are having back to back contractions that are unbearable and go straight down into your bottom it is quite possibly a sign that you are quite far into your labour, no matter what has come before this!
If your hypnobirthing doesn’t subconsciously kick in, like me, because everything is so fast and furious just make yourself a list of things to remember (jaw and shoulders, keep your sounds low, close your eyes) and make sure your partner knows to remind you of this.
Train your husband not to be useless prior to the event (Nadia’s workshops are great! nadia, as as sidenote may i also suggest you incorporate a note to new dads instructing them NOT to complain that they are “exhausted” or complain “my back is killing me” days after you have given birth.)
And finally DO YOUR PERINEAL STRETCHING!
i am now off to feed my little girl who feeds very two hours for an hour and a quarter giving me 45 minutes off in between (final final tip might therefore be to enjoy the baby while it is still inside and organise help if you have older siblings! i learned this through bitter experience with number two!)

Nadia, unless there is an accident of colossal proportions or we win the lottery i will not be joining you for birth prep again. THANK YOU for everything!!!!

This time, my goal was to handle the experience much more calmly.   While I thought I had prepared mentally before, I hadn’t really  appreciated the dedication and practice it takes to prepare mentally –  the difference between knowing things as theory and having practiced  them so much that the techniques and thought processes kick in all by  themselves when they are needed.  We all know we are more relaxed when  we breathe properly, of course it’s relaxing to imagine a nice beach,  and yes dropping your jaw and shoulders takes the tension out of your  body but I can;t stress enough – the difference between knowing and  practicing them is MASSIVE ( I know – I’m sorry i’m preaching to the  converted but allow me my little eureka moment!)

I started at about 30 weeks listening to the natal hypnotherapy cds.   They hadn’t done much for me last time but I hadn’t listened to them  enough – I almost dismissed them as being too obvious and wrote down  notes from them once as if cramming for an exam.  This time I listened  about 4 times a week before I went to sleep and knew they must be  doing at least something when i actually started falling asleep to them.

Then, on your recommendation, at 36 weeks I saw Lucy Symons – a  hypnotherapist who comes to your home and records you your own  personal cd.  She talked me through tips for coping – again ones that  sound obvious but need practice and repetition and i listened to her  cd in conjunction with the other one.

So the day after my due date, after a wonderful sleep I woke up  thinking what a wonderful day it would be to go into labour because it  was a weekend and we had childcare on tap for my son James.  At about  11.30 I went for a walk to the shops and started to feel a bit  twingey.  I called rob and told him it might be something, or it might  be nothing but that maybe his sister should come anyway to take  james.  At least that way we were covered.  I went home and ate bread  and jam as that’s what i’d eaten the day i went into labour with james  and it felt somehow symbolic!  I was feeling a bit period painy.

At about 2.30 I watched my sister in law drive away with james and at  that point i started experiencing medium to strong period pains.   Strange how my body waited till he was safe.  They were coming every 3  minutes and lasting about a minute.  With every one I did what Lucy  taught me to do.  I counted down from 10, to 1 with each out breath.  It sounds really simple but it made my mind focus on the numbers and  not the pain .  And also by the time i got to 5 i knew i had broken  the back of it.  Meanwhile rob rubbed my back and put a hot pack on my  lower back which was wonderful.  I thought about relaxing my shoulders  and jaw which made me relax into every contraction rather than run  from it and it immediately helped.  However Rob and I were still  completely unsure about where i was with it all.  He pointed out that  i was much more compus mentus than last time.  He called my midwife (I  was lucky enough to have my own on the nhs – the same as last time)  and I was able to talk to her normally – I told her i was coping fine  and would come in when i needed gas and air – to ignore rob as he was  just worried he would have to deliver the baby at home.  The  contractions stayed the same frequency and length.  My only indication  that things were progressing were that my out breaths were moving from  blowing the candle out breaths, to “mmmmms” to sighs to groans.   focusing on keeping my voice at a low humming tone really helped.  We  just weren’t really sure whether i was in labour or pre labour.

At 3.30 i went to the loo.  THe weirdest thing happened – i felt  something moving down.  ”oh my god it’s a head” i thought.  So i had a  feel but it felt too soft to be a head.  ”oh my god i’m prolapsing”  i  thought “and how unfair to prolapse when about to have a baby”.   ”Rob”, I shouted, “something strange is happening!”  .  He ran to the  loo just in time to hear a plop and a splash “Oh my god” he thought  ”she’s dropped the baby down the loo”.  Well it wasn’t the baby – it  was my waters breaking – i had felt them coming down in their sack.   But it did show that if rob thought i could just “drop the baby down  the loo” he didn’t really appreciate the effort required for labour  and childbirth!

Anyway at that point we decided regardless of how calm and normal I  was and the fact that contractions were only a minute long we would go  to the hospital as things progressed pretty quickly after my waters  broke last time.  The taxi ride was a bit rough – I kneeled on the  back seat and as lucy had taught me, kept my eyes closed to keep  myself in my own space.

At about 4.15 my midwife met us outside with a wheelchair which she  quickly decided i didn’t need so we put the luggage on it and went up  to the birthing centre.  WE all had a bit of a laugh about the “baby  down the loo/prolapse” panic.  Then we got to the room and between  contractions I joked with her about how my son had told me she was  going to dig the baby out with a spade.  I am sooo being sent home, I  thought.

Then I got up on the bed and she examined me.  ”Cath!” she said, “I  have some very good news! – you’re 9 CM!!!!!!!” My husband could NOT  believe it (even though i had told him women often get turned away  from hospitals when they’ve done hypnobirthing as people don’t believe  them.  She said she wasn’t going to examine me again – just to let my  body do what it wanted.

At that point my body relaxed even further.  And i think i gave myself  a bit of a break.  I stayed in one place, leaning over the bed and my  contractions shortened (I was only able to count down as far as 4 with  my out breaths and they spaced out a bit.  After an hour my midwife  stood me up and did some swaying with me – just the change in position  was enough to start the guttural contractions again.  I would count  down to 1 and then have to count back up again.  But one of the  phrases from my cd kept popping into my mind “You can choose to  perceive this contraction however you want”.  It would never have come  so automatically to mind if i hadn’t listened to it quite so much.   And the phrase “you will give birth to your baby with joy and  relaxation”.  It sounds like a load of rubbish until it’s so deeply  ingrained in your mind that you believe it!  Then she suggested a walk  across the room.  Even the few steps I took were enough to deepen the  contractions even further to that really grunting, pushing intensity.   But instead of “make it stop”  as i thought last time, I thought  ”that’s good, my baby’s moving even lower”.  I swear that kind of  calmness is totally alien to me even under daily circumstances!

6.30: It was obvious it was time to push.  I got up on the bed into  the same squatting position i had with james.  This time with rob  behind the bed with his arms under mine, supporting my weight.  I felt  the head coming out and stay there for a little bit, i felt some  stinging but all i could think was how amazing to feel my baby’s  head.  then some panting, then one more push and that big satisfying  slithery feel as gorgeous, perfect, amazing baby harry came into the  world.  My second stage was 5 minutes!!  And again I hadn’t torn.  He  was put on my chest immediately and all I could think was what an  amazing incredible birth. I loved every second of it and often replay  it in my head now because the whole thing was so calm and joyous  rather than some flashback to a medieval torture chamber.  My midwife  was elated – I had made the whole thing very easy for her she said.

I used to think it was a bit of a myth that you could be prepared for  childbirth but I am a classic example of someone who has been proven  totally wrong and therefore call all cynics out there to give proper  birth prep a go – but properly – with practice!  Here are the things I  am going to try and remember if there is ever a next time:

- Keep fit
- Yoga ( I did lots of seated forward wide leg bends and frog poses,  as last time to get my pelvis open)
- Perineal stretching
- Closing my eyes with every contraction so people know not to talk to  me
- Relaxing my jaw and shoulders
- Giving each out breath a number  - Counting down from 10 to 1 with  each out breath
- omming, hmmming and other such noises rather than screaming
- Realising that I don’t have to DO anything – my body knows what to  do and will do it all by itself
- Realising I’m in charge of how i perceive each contraction
- staying in the moment and not anticipating the next contraction
- Lots of hypnobirthing cds to remind me of all the above and make  them instinctive when the need kicks in.

Last Friday the Magnetic Mums were lucky enough to have best-selling author, psychotherapist and Mothers Talking group facilitator Naomi Stadlen leading our monthly check-in session.
When Naomi Stadlen started her Mothers Talking group at the Active Birth Centre her intention was to create a non-judgmental, non-prescriptive support group for all mothers irrespective of their approach to parenting. This group was not there to discuss which buggy, bottle or bib was the best on the market but to encourage mothers to self-reflect on their motherhood. This meant exploring how mothers felt when their partners came home to a neglected house and wondered what they had been doing all day? Or how their relationship with their mother had changed as a result of their own motherhood.
The flowering of the group was her bestselling book: What Mothers Do – especially when it looks like nothing which received wide critical acclaim for its lack of prescription and rich insight:
“You wont find a single piece of advice in my book,” she proudly tells the twenty-five mothers and babies (plus one dad) gathered together at St Vincent’s Hall, as she introduces herself at the start off our session
“Mothers do not need advice, mothers need to find their own way, follow their instincts and do whatever their hearts tell them to do. There is no one right way to bring up a child.”

I wonder how many so-called parenting experts – especially such softy-spoken ones – could manage to conduct a conversation that spanned an hour and half with such a large group of mothers and babies without once raising her voice.
“These babies are the most important people in the room,” she announces at the start of the session encouraging the mothers to do whatever they needed to do in order to keep their babies contented as the conversation unfolds.
So as the babies crawled, climbed, rolled, jiggled, chewed, dribbled, suckled, nursed toddled, fussed, fidgeted and fell about being babies, their mothers responded with rocking, carrying, swinging, standing or simply sat and listened as other mothers expressed how becoming a mother had challenged, moved or changed them in some way.
These were some of the conversation threads that afternoon:
The important of making connections with other mothers
The importance of our role in shaping our children
The importance of Love and how Mothers Love – (also the title of her second most recent book)
How motherhood has changed our sense of self
What we have lost in becoming mothers
Conversely, what we have gained
How becoming full-time mothers has affected our sense of worth in society
How we allay our feminism with our motherhood
From where we find the confidence to doubt or follow the types of parenting practices we feel drawn towards
How our partners feel about our choices
How becoming mothers made us feel about our own mothers
How old ideas about mothering continue to have a hold on us
How working mothers felt about the return to work and how they coped
The division of labour


Many powerful stories were shared and truths expressed. I would have liked the conversation threads to deepen and lengthen but politeness, wariness and lack of time (perhaps) prevented this from happening.
However two overwhelming truths emerged from the session that I think many of the mothers took inspiration from: They were:
That mothering is a relationship not a series of tasks – how present we are in what we do is much more important than what we actually do
In honest self-reflection we find the confidence to follow our hearts and instinct, and not others advice, because in the end the choices we make about how we care for our babies, are the ones we, and they, live with.

If you haven’t read her books, please do so. They will inspire your mothering. I still have a few copies at knock down prices left over from the event.
The Magnetic Mums meet next month on Friday April 27. Please RSVP Nadia@batterseayoga.com to attend.

Dear Nadia,

It’s been rather a long time (over 4 months) since I had my twins and I’ve been meaning to let you know how things went all this time!

Firstly I want to say how blessed I felt to have found you. I not only really enjoyed your pregnancy yoga classes, but truely felt that without them (and aqua aerobics) I would not have survived my twin pregnancy nor the birth as well as I did.

I don’t feel that I can write as eloquently as I remember some of the other birth stories that you read out during the classes that I attended. But here it is and please do paraphrase, as you may not want all of my opinions it there too!

Birth Story & the lead up to it –
Having been monitored on a biweekly basis in the last couple of months, and feeling amazingly mobile and healthy I was given full gestation time of 40 weeks. But by 40 weeks, they were going to induce me. I wanted as little intervention as possible but at 39 weeks and 4cm dilated I thought that a little encouragement would be a good idea. During the lead up to D Day I had two sweeps, some osteopathy and a session of acupuncture. None of which made any difference other than a few light contractions for 6 hours after the first sweep.

So at 39 weeks and 6 days I went into St Thomas’s and had my waters broken. And boy did this get it going – within 1 and a half hours I was “baring down” !! – it was a way too fast, but there’s only one way to get through this. Due to my first child having been an emergency C section I was only given an hour of pushing due to concern about rupturing the scar. But by this stage it was a relief to hear that help was on its way! Drugs were administered, and into theatre we went for a forecep delivery of no. 1, and breeched of no. 2 (who had somersaulted around after the first had left and he found that he had so much space at last!)

Both healthy (except that Gilbert was tongue tied, which apparently 25% of babies have – so please find someone to check this as many docs/midwives are not that experienced at picking up on this, and it does have quite a bit effect on the baby’s ability to feed, so insist on getting in double checked if you are unsure) and all of us happy!! We were home within 48 hours!

A few bullet pointed details:

Twins DOB: Fri 4th March 2011
Gestation: 39 weeks and 6 days!!
Birth Weight: 7lbs 8oz (3.4kg) and 6lbs 11oz (3.0kg)
Names: Samuel and Gilbert

Before having children I had no idea of how fit and healthy you need to be for pregnancy, the birth and for being a mother. And I did think of myself as pretty fit and healthy at 5ft 6, 9 stone, I ride my bike to work, run the occasional 10Ks and a yoga teacher, but I would say that I was border line ready. I can’t stress enough to anyone who will listen that this is not the time to be sitting back and eating cake (as I did in my first – I worked in a cake shop, which didn’t help!). Especially when you already have a child/children you need strength and stamina, or a lot outside help.

Being pregnant with twins could have been a pretty unpleasant experience!! But it wasn’t, I loved being ENORMOUS!! Admittedly I was slow, tired and eating myself out of house and home; and my 3 year old was able to literally run rings around me! But I had no back ache, no pelvic pain, swelling and general circulation was kept to a minimum with yoga/stretches and legs up the wall a few times a day.

And having twins – easy, once you get into the swing of things! Teaching 2 to breastfeed was very tricky though, worse than I remembered or thought; but thank goodness we were put in touch with a lactation consultant who saved the day on a couple of occasions!

And now that they are sleeping well, we are all happy and sane! Both for day time naps and for the 12 hrs at night (I feel like I’m going to jinks it by admitting it out loud – but they have been doing this since they were 8 weeks and we are now 17 weeks). The trick is to get them to eat enough during the day and then there’s no waking at night for feeding.

I do think that them having each other (at the moment in the same cot) helps enormously, when they wake, they hear the other snuffling away and are reassured and go back to sleep. If one cries, amazingly very often the other just sleeps on through (although this too may change as they get older). The tricky bit is having the 3 of them on my own, I haven’t mastered this for more than a few hours!

I’m loving having twins, and second time round I’m enjoying these first few intense months a lot more than I did with my first – which I was not expecting with double trouble! Not trouble – double wonderfulness, double smiles, giggles and cuddles! My gorgeous time wasters!

p.s. the sketch of me pregnant was done when I was (only!) 32 weeks – so I did get somewhat bigger!! (I amused myself by modelling at my friends art class for a week!)

I’d been listening to various relaxation tracks in the lead up (Marie Mongan’s “Hypnobirthing”, “Natal Hypnotherapy” and a birth preparation one by my sister’s doula) – they tempered my “Tube rage” in the mornings and helped me go to sleep at night. The doula’s tracks were my favourite. I’d been saving her “labour” track for the big day– it started with “So the day has arrived. This is the day your baby will be born. This is now just a surrender process, a deep relaxation process” and ended with “you have my love, my trust and my profound belief in you”. I kept repeating in my head – I can do this. Millions of women have done this. It is a natural process. My body knows what to do.

At about midday, we went for a walk to try to get my contractions to come closer together. We ended up going to ASDA – but left quite quickly because it would be quite embarrassing to give birth there. Just before 3pm, I texted a student midwife who was following my pregnancy that I thought I was in early labour and he responded that this stage could last a while and that paracetemol and a warm bath might help. I followed his advice and after about an hour, I got out of the bath, went to the toilet and saw lots of blood. Slight freak out until I realised it was my “show”, the mucous plug which seals off the cervix.

I kept listening to my relaxation and hypnobirthing tracks on repeat, rocking on my birth ball with my eye mask on, trying to stay in the zone, breathing deeply and relaxing. I tried to eat and drink to keep my energy levels up. I asked my hubby not to make any noise during contractions so that I could concentrate on relaxing. Around 7pm, my contractions were coming every 3 – 5 minutes, and I wanted to know how far along we were – so my hubby called the midwives.

At 8:15pm, our midwife arrived and examined me. My cervix was 6cms dilated (yay!), my waters were intact and Tictac was doing fine. Only 4 cms to go! In the next contraction, I vomitted up my lunch – in hindsight spicy dhal was probably not the best choice. Our midwife said I was far enough along that to go into the birth pool. My hubby had been busy pumping up our “birth pool in a box” in our kitchen and filling it with hot water. I climbed in and felt weightless – floating in the water. The contractions became more intense and closer together. I was on all fours and started groaning during contractions – our midwife asked whether we’d warned the neighbours. We hadn’t. I didn’t care, it felt good to be loud.

At about 9:30pm, I felt like I needed to go to the toilet – the baby’s head was pressing down on my bowels. Our midwife checked me again and said that I could start pushing. Pushing felt good because it was productive. As I was pushing, I could feel a hard thing moving further down inside me with each contraction. Our midwife told me that she could see the head and that I could feel it with my hand. I reached down and felt something hard covered in soft folds of skin – Tictac’s head. Tictac’s head started coming out during contractions and then sliding back in after the contractions finished. Our midwife reassured me the “two steps forward, one step back” was normal and gave my body a chance to stretch. I focussed on meeting our baby – and in one big gush, our little baby girl entered the world at 10:16pm – 7 pounds 2 oz and 55 cms tall. I breastfed her, delivered the placenta naturally and my hubby cut the cord. No stitches needed! It was so relaxing to be at home – a familiar environment, no visiting hours or crying babies (other than our own!) – and amazing to finally meet our daughter Alice.

* We called my bump “Tictac” when I was pregnant because a character in Kaz Cooke’s “Up the Duff” book said that it was crazy that something the size of a tictac inside her was making her feel so tired and sick and she wasn’t allowed to tell anyone.



Psychotherapist, group facilitator and author of the acclaimed book on the experience of motherhood What Mothers Really Do, Naomi Stadlen, has generously agreed to lead the Magnetic Mothers Circle (usually facilitated by Nadia) on Friday March 23rd, 2pm-3.30pm