Your baby is amazing

From the minute she is born, your baby is already amazing. She is born to be sociable but needs your help from her first day to fully develop her social skills. Talking, singing, smiling and listening to your baby will help to develop her brain.
uch as being able to tell which voice belongs to her mother or father. She can do this in the first few minutes after birth.
• His babbles, gurgles and gestures are his first attempts at having a conversation with you. When you smile and respond it will help him on his way to becoming a talker.
• By the time your baby is around two months old she will be cooing. By three months she will be focusing on you when you make eye contact and talk.
• Between four and six months he will be babbling to you in response to your smiles, words and sounds, almost as if he is having a real conversation with you.
• It doesn’t sound like words yet because she is still learning how to use and control her lips and tongue. If you look carefully, you will see that her mouth movements are imitating yours. Try sticking out your tongue slowly, and see if she does the same.
• These clever moments may just feel like playing, but in fact they are important steps in your baby’s language development. This will help him to become happy and confident, as well as help his future learning.
This resource may be photocopied. For more information visit www.talktoyourbaby.org.uk Talk To Your Baby is an initiative of the National Literacy Trust.
• Babies are born with brains that have a huge capacity for learning and most brain development happens before the age of three. This is the crucial time to help your child learn to talk and communicate.
• He could hear and recognise your voice when he was in the womb, which is why he turns to look at you now. He feels comforted by your voice.
• Her first step is learning to distinguish sounds, such as being able to tell which voice belongs to her mother or father. She can do this in the first few minutes after birth.
• His babbles, gurgles and gestures are his first attempts at having a conversation with you. When you smile and respond it will help him on his way to becoming a talker.
• By the time your baby is around two months old she will be cooing. By three months she will be focusing on you when you make eye contact and talk.
• Between four and six months he will be babbling to you in response to your smiles, words and sounds, almost as if he is having a real conversation with you.
• It doesn’t sound like words yet because she is still learning how to use and control her lips and tongue. If you look carefully, you will see that her mouth movements are imitating yours. Try sticking out your tongue slowly, and see if she does the same.
• These clever moments may just feel like playing, but in fact they are important steps in your baby’s language development. This will help him to become happy and confident, as well as help his future learning.
So, take some time out from household chores and spend time talking, singing, laughing and communicating with your baby. You can’t wait until she is at nursery, as that is leaving it too late. You will be helping to get her off to the best possible start, and she really is worth it.
For more information visit www.talktoyourbaby.org.uk

If, for Childbirth

If you can keep your faith when all about you
Are losing theirs and instilling fear in you 
If you can trust in your body’s ability to birth – when loved ones doubt you
And know that this is what your body’s meant to do.

If you can plan a due month not a due date
Remembering babies come at their soul-appointed time
So that at your 41 week appointment
You do not feel pressurised, ‘overdue’, or ‘past your prime’.

If you can wait and not grow tired of waiting
For a posterior cervix reluctant to dilate
And despite two sleepless nights of cramps, frustrating,
Ignore a negative or fearful mental state.

And if you finally transfer in, and are inspected
And find you still have many hours left to go
Can you find the trust and strength to still be patient 
And to epidurals and syntocinon, still say ‘no’.

If you can close your eyes and turning inward,
Surrender to that mighty force inside
As it throes you to the edge of your existence
And let perception, bone and sinew open wide.

If you can follow your instinct into positions
Which enable good descent and pelvic space
You’ll have no need for ventouse or obstetricians
To mar the crowning of your baby’s head and face. 

If then you fill the birthing room with grace and presence
As your newborn crosses worlds with searching gaze
And with warm and tender whisper guide her gently
To your naked warm embrace with heart ablaze.

And if, from here, you fill each post-natal minute
With sixty seconds worth of loving run.
Then you have honoured Birth and the Spirit in it.
And your journey as a mother has begun.

By Nadia Raafat

http://mothersmilkbooks.gostorego.com

And here is the link to the facebook page:

http://www.facebook.com/mothersmilkbooks

And here is the poem I wrote for it. I hope you enjoy it. And buy the book.

Diary of a Wimpy Toddler-Feeding Mum

January. Late morning. Snow!
Nowhere to be… so back to bed we go.
Mummy’s milk, a story. Another one. A few!
A back and tummy tickle then napping till two.

Sunday. Guests. Table and roast.
Wine for the rabble but water for the host.
Pouring gravy with one hand, holding daughter with the other.
She chews me. I chew the fat. I am a super mother!

Mid-week. Dead of night. Oh! No! Awake.
Cow-heavy, tired. I lie and grumble-ache
Sucking on the left, squeezing on the right
Does she really need to pinch and suckle through the night?

Hot. The Underground. Sweating pits and brow
Thirsty daughter pulling blouse. I whisper. Please! Not now!
Pick her up and snuggle her close in to my chest.
Lady opposite smiles at me – so – frankly – sod the rest!

May. Lunchtime. Busy department store
Tired and angry toddler sprawled across the floor
Whoops. Bad timing. Scoop my breast out fast.
Remonstrating glances from the shoppers walking past.

Summers day. The Playground. Picnic for her tea.
Kamikaze-head-first down the slide comes she
A revving engine startles her. Suddenly she’s here
For a little bit of num num to allay her fear.

Twilight. After bath. My favourite time of day.
Upstairs to my bedroom, it’s time to ‘hit the hay’
Hair-brushed and pink-pyjamered. I lay her down to rest.
Her blanket is my dressing gown, her pillow is my breast.

Darkness. Stillness. She’s let go into sleep
But my eyes fast upon my daughter’s face I keep.
I love this moment most of all. In trance I guard her rest.
It’s here beside her on the bed that I feel truly blessed.

Drat! Lunch with the in-laws. Must try to keep them in.
Wear high-roll, buttoned polo-neck to cover up my skin.
During tea, she lunges, the polo-neck’s rolled up.
Aghast, my in-law father splutters shortbread in his cup.

September, Friday. School assembly hall
Surreptitious feeding underneath my shawl
I hate myself for sneaking. I feel pathetic. Weak.
Why can’t I proudly breastfeed without feeling like a freak.

November. Her birthday. Another threshold. Three!
At times with toddler-feeding, I have felt lost at sea.
It’s mostly done at home now – after nursery, before bed.
But we still sleep together; nose to nose and head to head.

End of year. Close of poem. Breastfeeding yet to cease.
I trust her need and know my heart and that’s what brings me peace.

End.

The period just after giving birth is one of the most difficult for many new parents. New mothers tend to be tired and sore from labor. They’re also usually short on sleep because their newborns won’t yet sleep through the night. Many new parents find themselves confused and worried that they’re not caring for their babies correctly. After all of the research to get through the labor and delivery pregnancy -, like pain management, immunizations and umbilical cord blood banking, some mothers may feel they don’t know enough about newborn care. What these parents don’t know is that hiring a postpartum doula can do a lot to alleviate their stress and help them recharge.

Postpartum Doula Definition
A postpartum doula is a trained assistant who provides several kinds of support to the new family. This person is usually in the home for three to four hours per day, and helps new mothers, fathers and babies adjust their routines. Unlike a nurse or nanny, the doula isn’t just there to help care for the baby. This professional also provides extensive parental support.

What Does a Postpartum Doula Do?
A postpartum doula can help new mums understand breastfeeding and deal with potential problems. He or she can also help with light housekeeping, meal preparation, errands and basic care for the newborn. Doulas help mothers physically and emotionally recover after the hard work of birthing. They can also provide assistance with caring for older children, soothe the new baby, and help provide referrals to specialists and other support resources.

According to Doula UK, postpartum doulas also watch for the signs of postpartum depression and serious medical issues. They can actually reduce the risk of a depressive episode by decreasing the mother’s stress levels and allowing her to move into her new responsibilities more slowly.

How Long is a Postpartum Doula Present?
Postpartum doulas often work just a few hours per day, but some will be present all day or for part of the evening. These professionals work the hours when they are most needed. Support from a doula can be as brief as a few visits just after birth or as long as three months or more. It all depends on the family situation and how much help is needed.

Cost of Postpartum Doula Services
A postpartum doula is not a volunteer and must be paid for his or her work. Most professionals charge by the hour, with a minimum hourly rate to ensure that they can cover their travel and maintenance costs. This rate can be as low as £10 per hour or as high as £32 per hour. Doulas may charge more in areas with a high cost of living or high demand for their services.

Doula wages are also higher for people who have extra certifications and training. Some families can get discounts on the cost of hiring their postpartum doulas if they are willing to make arrangements in advance, hire the doula for multiple sessions, or pay in advance. Newer doulas often charge less than more experienced practitioners.

Because doula service has not yet become mainstream, many insurance companies will not pay for this kind of care. However, friends and family often give the gift of postpartum doula service at a baby shower or after the birth. With a new addition to a family, a mother will want to focus on transitioning into this new and exciting time in her life and a doula can be a great help to make that happen!

Katie Moore has written and submitted this article. Katie is an active blogger who discusses the topics of, motherhood, children, fitness, health and all other things Mothering-related. She enjoys writing, blogging, and meeting new people! To connect with Katie contact her via her blog, Moore From Katie or her twitter, @moorekm26.

http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=fKyljukBE70

I’m delighted to say that many of the things that we had envisaged in our birth plan did come true and I look back on my son’s birth with real pride and a huge sense of achievement. Your birth prep and yoga classes were a massive help!

Here is how things unfolded: My son was due on the Sunday 3 June. My mum had reminded me that Monday 4 would be a full moon and Venus would be eclipsing on Tuesday 5, so a strong chance that he could arrive then too. The Sunday Jubilee celebrations came and went without a sign but at around 5am on Monday, I started to feel what I thought were mild period pains coming about every 10 mins and I could tell that it was time. I decided not to wake my husband until they were close together; I was going to need all his energy for the journey ahead.

I lit some relaxing scented candles, got out the comedy DVD box sets of Eddie Izzard and Michael McIntyre, the birthing ball, the TENS machine, and took a couple of paracetamol. I also got the co-dydramol prepared for when the contractions started to get a little more intense, and a couple of hot water bottles to hold against my pelvis. By 8am, there was ‘the bloody show’ and I knew that we could well and truly be on the road. I woke my husband up and texted my midwife and my doula. The midwife told me to take it easy and to get back in touch with her when the contractions were 5 minutes apart. The doula reminded me to get cosy in the front room and get the oxytocin releases going as much as possible, and Elliott jumped into action and got the birthing pool inflated and sticking my hypnobirthing affirmations up on the walls around the flat to help me to focus throughout.

By 9am the contractions were about 5 minutes apart and lasting around a minute. I used the hot water bottles, breathed deeply, and watched Michael McIntyre, which made this stage of the labour pretty fun and enjoyable. Elliott and I were actually enjoying this time together too, and the feeling of anticipation was palpable, even though we knew that the big moment wouldn’t be right around the corner.

As the contractions continued at the same pace and intensity, I put on the ‘Colour and Calmness’ and ‘Calm and Confidence’ relaxation/hypnobirthing CDs and played them on a loop, while bouncing on the birthing ball. That birthing ball and those CDs really were proving to be life savers! There was just no way that I could stay immobile either in between or during the contractions and combined, they were fantastic soothers.

Throughout this time, I was feeling an enormous pressure in my back passage and this overwhelming feeling of constipation, so I got my husband to go out and get some lactilose as I felt sure that if I could just shift whatever was in my bowel, it would make the contractions easier to handle. Little did I know that this was actually the baby pushing down. He was in the right position, but I never imagined that the pressure would be that far back!

My husband and I and I continued in this fashion throughout the rest of the day. The midwife came to see how I was getting on but didn’t want us to call her again until I was getting 3 contractions in 10 minutes.

The contractions were still lasting about a minute, but were now coming every 4 to 5 minutes, and then decreasing in intensity again and coming between 5 and 7 minute intervals. We were now approaching hour 14 of labour and there was no sign of the contractions coming any closer together. However, I really felt that the preparations that we had made together were paying off and, at times, I really enjoyed riding through each contraction.

My husband did an amazing job of responding to my every need, encouraging me to eat and drink at regular intervals, which helped massively. By the evening, I moved onto to Eddie Izzard boxed set. I replaced the hot water bottles with the TENS machine and cold compresses and combined with the breathing, focus, relaxation, these helped me to stay on top of the contractions. But I was getting tired, and so was Elliott, and the contractions hadn’t really let up since 4.30am on Monday morning.

It became clear that were going to need to keep going through Monday night and into the morning. Blimey! Tiredness was really getting the better of me. This is when vocalising during the contractions came into its own (thank you birth prep classes!) – I experimented with pitch and rhythm through each one and rhythmically hit the side of my thigh if they were particularly intense. Wow! You were right, Nadia. You really do make noises that you never thought you would be capable of!

Now the tiredness was taking over and I was losing the ability to stay on top of the contractions. Seeing that I was struggling (I was starting to doubt my ability to get through the next day like this) Elliott poured me a gorgeous bath which really helped. I knew that I had the birthing pool and gas and air on the horizon if I needed them, and this was a lovely beacon to aim at. We were now at about 2am on Tuesday morning, and there really hadn’t been any respite from the contractions at all and we needed to rest!

James and I had used up most of our strategies and the contractions were still not coming every 3 minutes. I was starting to lose hope that I would be able to make it through much longer. We were now at about hour 22 of labour. It was time to get the Doula over. We needed her!

As soon as she arrived with us, it was like a breath of fresh air. She refocused my mind onto the breathing, and reinstated a sense of calm. The contractions were much easier to manage too, even though they were becoming more frequent. It was amazing the difference a different energy in the room made. She encouraged me to lie over the side of the birthing pool, I put some lavender oil on a tissue, and she stroked my back through each contraction. I was able to gather my energy more in between each one and started to regain my confidence. I inhaled deeply on the lavender scented tissue on the in breath and breathed out through the mouth on the out breath. Wow! That lavender really was another saviour. She also allowed Elliott to sleep for the first time in 30 hours!

When the midwife arrived at 9am on Tuesday, she examined me (my first vaginal examination since the beginning of labour) and to her astonishment, declared that I was 9cm dilated! I cried with joy. The midwife said that we should have this baby out in the next 3 hours. The doula had been with us for 4 hours but this part of the labour felt to me like 20 minutes. Time was disappearing into the ether.

After this point, I can honestly say that I enjoyed every minute of the labour. Having filled up the pool, the midwife decided that we didn’t need to use it, nor did we need the gas and air, and I couldn’t disagree with her. After another hour being draped over the pool, I then got into the position to push the baby down – which frankly feels like pushing out the biggest poo you’ve ever produced! We tried various positions, most of them frustratingly ineffectual. The winner was definitely being on all fours. I remember the exhilaration of each contraction. I was actually willing them to come as I needed all the help I could get to get the baby out. Daniel took about 7 massive pushes to come out. He would have come out earlier, but it appeared that his hand was right next to his head as it emerged, which made his exit more difficult, and the midwife had to perform a clever manoeuvre with his shoulders, but out he came on the 7th push, and he was placed straight onto my tummy for some quality skin to skin. My goodness, what an incredible end to an extraordinary journey! My son was born at 12.06 on Tuesday 5 June between a full moon and the venus eclipse, weighing 8lbs and perfect! I suffered 2 tiny tears and 1 second degree, but didn’t even feel these on his delivery, and my perineum was completely intact (thanks in no small part to perineal massage).

The midwives were concerned about potential blood loss (because it is a home birth) so wanted to give me a syntocin injection to deliver the placenta. I had asked for this to happen naturally, but at that stage, I didn’t really care how they got the placenta out. After the injection, it came away with a slight tug and with one contraction.

While the midwives took care of my stitches, I was given my son to hold, and he rooted around for the breast immediately. I had a piece of toast, a shower, and within an hour, we had him latching on and breastfeeding. It was the best moment of my life, and bliss to be able to sit on my own sofa, shower in my own shower, and crawl up to my own bed within minutes.

My son is a really relaxed and alert little boy, who has given us untold pleasure since his birth.

I feel so lucky to have experienced the birth that we wanted, and I feel so proud of what my husband and I achieved. There were moments that were challenging, because it was such a long labour, but I look back on the experience with a sense of pride and joy that I have never experienced before. The whole thing is just amazing. For anyone thinking about home births, if you’ve had a uncomplicated pregnancy, and you feel confident in your midwive’s experience, I would heartily recommend it! You can always choose to transfer to the birthing centre at any point in your pregnancy if you decide not to have a home birth, but you wouldn’t be able to stay at home if you decide on the birthing centre, so you get the best of both worlds!

So my top tips are as follows:

Your birthing partners are so key. Really make sure that you have people that you trust and are 100% comfortable with attending your birth.
If you’re having a home birth, and you can afford it, book a doula, and if you can’t, a second person to help your birthing partner and you. Make sure they’re familiar with your birth plan. It’s a lot for one person to take on and your husband or partner will be grateful to pass on some of the burden.
If you’re having a home birth, make sure that the midwife who is attending you is experienced and ask how many home births they have attended. The home birth teams are all very experienced, but make a point of getting one who really is experienced if it is something that worries you.
Perineal massage really pays off!
If you’re hypnobirthing, having someone there to keep you focused really makes all the difference, and practising scripts pays off.
Keep vaginal examinations to a minimum. I only had one throughout the whole labour. Not knowing how dilated I was really helped us.
A birthing ball is a must.
Hot and cold compresses are a must.
Funny DVDs really help to keep the mood light and are great entertainment for a long drawn out labour.
Aromatherapy oils on a tissue are a great soother, particularly in the late stages.
Lavender oil worked for us.
TENS machine is enormously helpful.
Vocalising really works!
Keep hydrated, and even if you don’t feel like it, keep eating.

My son was born in 2007 via an emergency c-section that turned out not to be much of an emergency, so I felt a bit robbed of the experience of the natural birth I had wanted. This time I wanted to be as far removed from the hospital as possible to give myself the best opportunity to give birth naturally and thus opted for a home birth. I had my care transferred to the Clapham Team of Midwives who have an excellent reputation and are very experienced in home births.

The hospital had other ideas. Being a VBAC they class you as high risk and ideally they wanted me on a bed in the hospital birth unit, strapped to a continuous monitor etc, etc. I argued my points and they realised I was making a well informed decision. They were willing to compromise and let me use the Home from Home Centre. I said “that’s very nice, thank you, but I still want a homebirth and accept the risks”.

The pregnancy was textbook, both me and baby doing very well. However, at 37 weeks I suspected I might have some thrush and a swab was sent to the lab for tests. It turned out that I was GBS positive.
Group B Streptococcus is a normal bacterium. Up to a third of all men and women carry GBS in their intestines without symptoms and roughly a quarter of women of childbearing age carry GBS in the vagina at any one time. GBS is a normal body commensal (an organism that lives on another without harming it) but it is also the most common cause of life-threatening infections in newborns in the UK. Out of 700,000 births per year, 700 babies are infected of which 75 die and 49 have lasting effects.
This sent all the alarm bells ringing with the midwives and consultant. They strongly suggested I come in and have antibiotics via IV at least 4 hours before baby is born, preferably 2 doses to ensure the baby’s protection from GBS. And should the baby come quicker then she’ll need to be given AB and stay in hospital for 48 hours. It’s the last thing I want (go into hospital and have my baby’s life start on an IV), so after much research on-line, I embark on a course of garlic combined with Vitamin C and Echinacea, to try and beat this. Supposedly inserting garlic can kill off the GBS and I’m willing to try anything to avoid going in.

I took the GBS test twice privately to see if the garlic had any effect (once a week) and surprisingly it did go down from ‘Heavy’ colonisation to ‘Medium’, but still very much present. After two weeks of garlic abuse my husband was starting to complain and the hospital is still scaring me with statistics. I do not want to put my baby’s life at risk any more than necessary. Therefore my husband and I decide that I will transfer in to the H from H unit and have the AB. My baby had other ideas though…

I’m 41 weeks exactly when at 01:15 I wake up and have 3 contractions quickly in succession, lasting about 15 secs each. I get up, decide to let my husband sleep a bit longer. We’d been in hospital all day as I hadn’t felt the baby moving much in the morning. After 3 20 mins traces over 7 hours they told me all was fine and sent us home. We were exhausted when we finally went to bed at 11pm. So I move to the sitting room where I quickly find myself rocking back and forth on all fours. I don’t recall cx being this strong this early on and wonder how I’ll cope for several more hours of this.

At 03:00 I phone the midwife to give her a heads up. Cx coming every 3 mins, lasting about 25 secs I think. I’m not really timing them and my husband is still asleep. She tells me to phone back when they last about 30-40 secs and we’d then transfer into hospital. I carry on, still thinking I have a few hours so no point in waking my husband. Happily moving on all fours and doing my breathing exercises, trying to remember everything Nadia said in class.

At 04:00 my husband wakes up from my ‘mooing’ noises and I ask him to run me a bath. I have a show and husband speaks to the midwife who can hear I have progressed since our last conversation. She suggests we order a cab to transfer in asap. She’ll meet us there. Husband organises cab and babysitter, but cab would be another 20 mins away. I decide I want to have a bath anyway.

At 04:25 I get into the bath and have just the briefest moment of relief when my body kicks into overdrive and I have these overwhelming contractions. Soon I feel pushing urges (already???) and yell to my husband that the baby is coming. He phones midwife who tells him to forget about coming in and phone an ambulance! I can really feel the baby moving down and am amazed by the relief when she shoots back up after a contraction. No, no, you are supposed to go out the other way! With the next contraction I feel her move down again and somehow I manage to hold her there. I guess all those pelvic floor exercises were paying off. Soon after I yell to my husband that I can feel the head!

At 04:35 my husband is instructed by 999 service to get me out of the bath and onto some towels. While still on the phone, he hoists me out of the bath. I really didn’t want to get out, but realised this baby wasn’t going to wait for any help to arrive. I still felt very calm and it helped that my husband was really calm too. He’s on his blackberry with the 999 service and on his mobile with the midwife at the same time, but I don’t really notice any of this.

At 04:43 baby Lucie is born with a loud cry! My husband watches her head come out, eyes open and quiet, sees her turn and then the body slips out with 2 further cx onto his forearm. He passes her through my legs, as I am on all fours, and then I can sit up and hold her on my chest. My husband wraps us up in my bathrobe and a towel to keep warm while we wait for help to arrive. She stops crying very quickly and just looks at me very intently. She’s so beautiful, I just stare back and smile.

At 04:45 the babysitter arrives, at 04:50 the ambulance arrives (they had trouble finding the address) and at 04:55 my midwife arrives. The lovely lady from the ambulance, Gail, cuts the cord as it has stopped pulsating and shortly after I birth the placenta into my son’s potty.

The midwife checks us both over. Lucie’s APGAR score by then is 10 and I have some minor cuts & scrapes, but no tears! We are taken to hospital for 24hr observation because of the GBS, but all is fine and we are released to go home the following morning.

My son has blissfully slept through the whole thing!

I guess having seen 4 other women give birth as part of my doula training really helped me stay calm. I had so much more experience and was much better informed this time around. And I suppose my husband had been paying more attention to all the birth stories I told him. I couldn’t have wished for a better birth partner, even when this was against our agreement that he would be at the non-action side.

I’m sure I’ll eventually forgive him for ruining my lovely white Egyptian cotton towels instead of grabbing the old red ones!

I absolutely loved listening to the other women’s birth experiences and always wondered what mine would be like. Would it be hard? Would it be long? Would I have the natural birth that I really longed for? Turns out it was all these things so here’s my story…..

I was 40 weeks + 2 and was so sure that Bubba D was going to be late that I absorbed and researched all the information I could about induction and how to avoid it. I had my heart set on a natural water birth at The Birth Centre and I felt that being induced would more than likely lead to further intervention down the track so I had made the decision that I was prepared to go to 43 weeks (with careful monitoring of course!) before I would consider induction.

It was 11.45am on Thursday morning the 4th of March and I sent my girlfriends back home (in Australia) an email update on how things were progressing and said that they shouldn’t expect any news for at least another week as I didn’t think there would be any action until then. I also told them of the intense amount of pressure that I was feeling as he was fully engaged now and that my nether region felt like I’d been riding a horse for 20 hours straight! I was well and truly over being pregnant!

I guess Bubba D was listening and sensing my impatience as not 15 mins after sending the email I had my show. I was excited that things were beginning to happen but also realistically knew that this didn’t necessarily mean labour was imminent so went about my day as normal and took my weekly photo of my belly to add to my pregnancy journal. I rang my midwives Katie and Emma to let them know I had had my show and would keep in touch if anything else happened.

3 hours later I had my first contraction. It was weird as I wasn’t quite sure if it was a contraction or not as I obviously didn’t have a clue what they felt like but I had read a few days earlier that contractions tend to start in your back and then come around to the front which is what I thought was happening. It took a few more of them for me to confidently say “yes! I’m having contractions!’. They were pretty mild and between 10 to 20 mins apart so I just continued to faff around the flat and ensure that all the washing and housework was up to date. I had my clary sage and lavender burning and had all the candles lit to ensure a nice calm and relaxed atmosphere. The afternoon and evening went on with my contractions still about 10 mins apart and only about 30 seconds long.

It was 10pm Thursday night when my contractions finally increased in intensity and were now coming every 5 minutes and lasted between 40 and 45 seconds long. At midnight I had more of my show come away followed closely by a hefty dose of diarrhoea. I rang Katie and she assured me that was all normal and that things were progressing nicely (albeit it slowly). She said to call her again once the contractions were lasting longer (about 60 secs) and were 3 mins apart for a duration of about 2 hours.

At this point I decided it was time to get myself ready so I double checked my birth bag and packed all the last minute items and then had a shower and washed my hair so that I would feel refreshed for whatever lay ahead. It was a rather strange feeling to be blow drying my hair at 1.30am in the morning!!!

At 3am my husband Evan put me to bed so I could try and get some rest but about half an hour later the contractions increased in intensity again so thought it may be time to get the Tens machine out.

At 6.30am Friday morning (16 hours after my first contraction) everything came to a standstill. I had been experiencing contractions every 5 minutes for the past 9 hours and then all of sudden, they went back to every 20 – 30 mins apart. By this time I was getting really frustrated, not to mention tired, so I rang Katie to ask her advice. She said this was totally normal for first time labour and informed me that this may go on for a couple of days. I don’t need to tell you the profanities that were running through my head when she said that as I’m sure you can imagine but I managed to stay calm and took her advice to rest while my body was giving me the chance and waited patiently for Katie to visit later that morning.

Katie popped her head in at 10am Friday morning to see how I was travelling and to ensure Ev was coping too! I asked her to examine me as I wanted to know what was going on however fully prepared myself for her to tell me I was only 1 cm dilated to avoid disappointment. I nearly jumped up and did a dance when she told me I was 4 cm dilated and my cervix was paper thin (i’m sure that was due to the 4000 cups of raspberry leaf tea I had drunk over the past few weeks!). She also said she could feel Bubba D’s head and that he had a nice head of hair. Hearing this news gave me such renewed energy and relief that the past 20 hours hadn’t been for nothing.

Katie anticipated that things would kick off again about 5pm this afternoon and that I should expect to meet Bubba D either later that night or early the next morning. Ev and I were so excited and it was then that it hit us that we would be bringing our son home within the next 24 hours. Even though I was under strict instructions from Katie to rest, rest, rest I felt like I was on a high and just couldn’t calm my mind so I put on my hypno birthing cd and gave myself a manicure and pedicure – no easy task at 40 weeks pregnant and having contractions!!!!

Sure enough at 5.30pm, exactly when Katie said they would, my contractions got closer and much more intense so it was time to get walking to ensure they continued to get longer and stronger. Over the next hour we wandered the streets of Lavender Hill stopping every 4 to 5 minutes to breath through the contractions. I had a few different mantras to get me through labour but the one that stuck and really helped me deal with each contraction was ‘relax my jaw, relax my shoulders, relax my pelvis’. As soon as a contraction starts your natural instinct is to lift your shoulders and tense your body but reminding myself to relax and keep my breathing controlled definitely helped me deal with the pain of each contraction.

Once we got back home I ensured I had a decent meal and then another hot bath. Come 9.30pm my contractions were regularly 3 to 4 mins apart and 60 to 90 seconds long and it was at this time we rang Katie and said we were ready to come into the Birth Centre. Ev got everything together while I continued to manage my contractions. As we headed off all I could think about was that the next time I walk through our front door we will have our son with us. At that point I had another cry! (I had had several throughout the past 32 hours!!!!). Driving to the Birth Centre was quite a bizarre experience – as we drove through Clapham Junction at 10.30pm on Friday night we watched as people were spilling out of the clubs and bars all in the party mode and Ev and I looked at each other and simultaneously said “we couldn’t be any further from that lifestyle right now!”.

We arrived at the Birth Centre at 11pm and Katie was there to greet us. She had our room ready with candles burning, the pool filling and relaxing music playing. It was so calming and both Ev and I felt completely at home. Unfortunately my contractions hadn’t increased in frequency so Katie told me take this time to rest as best I could. By 1am I’d had enough and was getting completely bored with this whole malarkey and wanted to get some proper action going on so I asked Katie to examine me as I wanted to know what was doing. She did so and didn’t say anything – which I new wasn’t a good thing. I had only dilated one more centimetre in the last 15 hours. Needless to say, I dropped the ‘F’ bomb for the second time since starting labour! I asked her what I could do to get things moving because I was absolutely fed up and getting really impatient by this time. Katie suggested she could try to break my waters. She said it would almost definitely mean my contractions would increase in intensity but not necessarily in frequency – I was willing to take the chance as I really wanted to get this show on the road!

As Katie tried to break my waters, I contracted a further centimetre but my waters didn’t break. So I got up and headed for the birth pool in the hope that gravity might do the trick but still nothing. Now from here on, a lot of it is a blur and am guided by Katie’s notes as once I hit that water things went from zero to a hundred very quickly. After 35 and a half hours of labour I was pretty knackered but knew I had to pull on all my reserves as within 15 mins of getting into the pool I was in transition. My contractions were insanely intense and back to back in frequency so I went into a zone of controlled breathing and visualisation. One of my other mantras was a bit of a reality check and to remind myself that 300,000 other women are going through the exact same thing at the same time but at that point I didn’t care for reality – in my head – I was the only one experiencing this amount of pain and I wanted everyone to know it!!!!!! Ev tells me there were a couple more ‘f’ bombs dropped at this time.

I had been in the water only 30 mins before I had the urge to push. I told Katie I needed to do a poo as I knew she would know that meant I was ready to push. Katie was surprised that I was feeling that already as I had only been 5cm dilated 30 mins earlier. I assured her in no uncertain terms that I was feeling immense pressure and the need to push so she decided it was time to ring my second midwife Emma to come and join our little party!

It was 2am and Katie suggested I should try the gas and air to help as I was starting to scream the house down. I really struggled with it as I just couldn’t get it together to breathe it in as all I wanted to do was scream but with Ev shoving it in my mouth and giving me no choice but to suck it in, I finally got the hang of it. (Poor Ev, one thing I do remember thinking was that he looked like he could do with some gas and air!!!) For me, I felt like it didn’t really help reduce the amount of pain I was in but what it did do was help me concentrate on my breathing rather than focusing on the pain. Although both Ev and Katie would say otherwise because as I was saying ‘this isn’t working’, my eyes were rolling into the back of my head and my head was swinging from side to side like a drunken old man so I guess it may have taken the edge off!!!

By 2.30am Emma had arrived and I was fully in the zone and bearing down with each contraction. By 2.50am I was ready to push so Katie advised me to stop using the gas and air so that I could be fully aware and in control of my body for this next stage. The one thing that stuck with me from the birth prep classes was to ensure that with each contraction, I expel nice long controlled breathes and try to get 3 to 4 pushes in each contraction. Using the s’ing breathing technique really helped me to do this well and I pushed like I was doing the worlds biggest poo!!

Apparently at 3.01am, only 10 mins after starting to push I was complaining it was taking too long and Emma reassured me everything is progressing normally and with that, I drop another ‘f’ bomb saying “f! this hurts!!!!’

I knew he was close as I was feeling the ring of fire now so I put my head down and focused on pushing out his head. I hadn’t eluded to the girls how close I was so when I said ‘something is out’, they didn’t really believe me! Emma put the mirror in the water and said to Katie, “Oh My God! She’s pushed the head out already!”. I gave 2 more pushes and our son, Astyn Lee Davidson was born at 3.08am – only 1 hour and 25 mins after being 5cm dilated!

Now this is where I begin to regain my memory. It felt like waking up from a dream and slowly coming too as Katie and Emma’s voice drifted back into my consciousness and when I finally focused on what they were saying I snapped into action….”Jenn, you’ve got to bring your baby up, you’ve got to bring your baby up!” I was still in such a zone that I didn’t realise and he was just floating around on the bottom of the pool!!!! I quickly brought him to the surface and with that he let our an almighty cry and Emma says “He’s saying hello to his mummy!”.

My first words were “look at his little willy” followed by “no women is ever going to be good enough for you” followed by “yay, I did it!”.

I had chosen to have a physiological 3rd stage so while I was delivering the placenta (which took about 30 mins) Ev had skin to skin contact with Asty. I then had a shower and was examined by Katie and Emma and they confirmed that I had no tearing and everything was looking very good. I strongly believe that using the epi-no in the weeks leading up to the birth played a big part in that outcome and in fact when Katie examined me again 2 days later she said it didn’t even look like I’d had a baby! I highly recommend the epi-no!!!

At 4.50am Ev, Asty and I all got into bed together while Emma & Katie made us a great big breakfast which I couldn’t wait to eat!!! At about 6am and our stomachs full and satisfied, Katie and Emma went home and left us to have a sleep and spend time together as a family. Ev went out like a light of course (he looked liked he’d given birth!!!!) but I couldn’t sleep – I just couldn’t take my eyes off my little man.

He’s now 6 weeks old and my love for him grows every day. I have to be very honest and say that those first few weeks are really tough and even though at times, you think you won’t – you will come out the other side and while being a mum is the hardest job I’ve ever had, it is without a doubt the most enjoyable and rewarding – especially when you get a full smile and gurgle for the first time.

I wish all the mummies-to-be the best of luck and really hope your birth experiences are what you hope for and don’t be afraid – this is what our bodies are built for and we are women, we are capable of great things!

For the meantime though I will enjoy, and get my birth story written while I can still remember.

You will remember me announcing at birth prep on the wednesday that I was absolutely going to give birth on my due date – saturday the 10th. Saturdays are so much easier for child care for the boys, plus my midwife was going to australia the next week so I didn’t have the luxury of being 2 weeks late. Plus in that last week i truly felt like my pelvis was about to shatter and I had increasing pressure on my bottom – I could barely walk – this had never happened in any of my previous pregnancies – and I even developed a bit of SPD which was incredibly uncomfortable.

I had agreed with my midwife that I would go in for a sweep on the friday morning to try and ensure a timely onset of labour. However when she examined me she found my cervix was too high up/posterior for her to even reach. I went away doubting my saturday arrival date for the first time….

That afternoon I felt increasingly uncomfortable with more and more pressure on my bottom and an achy lower back, but nothing new and noteworthy. Rob went out for dinner that night and I sat down to eat in front of the TV and for the first time in Cath history was unable to face my dinner. I aborted to toast and jam instead (Looking back I have eaten this before all my labours and have decided this craving for white starchy carbs versus my usual healthy fibrous fayre must be a subconscious effort to avoid doing a poo during delivery).

I just could not get comfortable that evening and when I went to bed my lower back and bottom were feeling increasingly pressurised. I had no reason to believe any of this was the onset of labour as my other two had been so linear – a show at 3 cm, waters breaking at about 7cm, contractions coming more regularly, getting stronger etc. I had had a lovely labour with Harry as my hypnobirthing had worked wonderfully. I had got into my own little zone with each contraction, breathed and low groaned through them and been perfectly normal in the space in between. So far I had no show, no contractions. At about 1030 I became even more uncomfortable and by midnight I thought I could possibly distinguish some 30 second long cramps but to be honest I was so uncomfortable in between them that it was hard to tell. I tried to time them and they came at 3 minutes apart, then 7 minutes, then 5 minutes and so on. I decided I was in very very early labour, or false labour and became very annoyed that it was starting now as contractions this irregular meant going into established labour the next day after being awake all night. I took some paracetamol, did my best to ignore what was going on and get some sleep as I was in for a big day the next day.

By 1am I realised I couldn’t sleep through as my back was aching so much so I got into a warm bath. I figured I would try to last out until 6am before telling rob it was all going to happen as it was so early on in the process that at least one of us should get a good nights sleep to be able to deal with the boys the next day.

At 1.30 am my contractions started properly and I knew I was in labour. I tried to get into my hypnobirthing zone and use all my birth prep breathing techniques but Nadia blowing that little paper boat away was not touching the sides! The contractions were so intense and so strong, and so different from my previous labours going straight down into my bottom that they took me completely by surprise. I couldn’t get into my zone as they were lasting about 40 seconds, which is not very long, but I had a maximum of 5 seconds off before the next one started rolling! I did my best to count down from 10 to 1 which is how I coped with Harry’s contractions, and in the absence of being able to zone out just continually told myself to relax my shoulders and jaw as I know how valuable that is and to keep my noises low and not high pitched. I tried lots of “ahs” but they all ended in a mooing style grunt and were far less yogic than the ones we practiced in class!

At 2 am (still in the bath) I called Rob down who was also confused by how strong my contractions were, how short they were and how little time there was between them. I had a moment when I very much regretted not having done a partners workshop with you this time as I asked him to rub my lower back and all i got was a token useless stroke. I told him to get his effing hands off me and continued on without any massage. He called the midwife and they decided even though it was probably early on we should probably go in. She sounded a bit disgruntled at being woken up for what was probably the early stages. At 2.30 he called the taxi and a friend to come and look after the boys. He ran around gathering up belongings, hospital bags etc while I lay in the bath and tried to wimper loudly enough for him to hear in the 3 seconds I had off between contractions that I needed help getting out the bath and dressed, ideally prior to getting in the cab. Getting dressed was agony as I had no respite. My friend arrived and we got in the cab and left her to deal with James who was found cowering under his covers saying “why was mummy making those noises???”

The cab dropped us a few feet from the hospital doors and in that small distance I had three continuous contractions. I knelt immediately onto a wheel chair as I could not walk. THis was all very confusing as with Harry I had arrived at the hospital 9cm dilated and was both fully compus mentus and mobile in between contractions. I was wheeled through the corridor with my hands over my eyes to block out the light with a continuous chorus of “aaah!” (which was actually more like an “aaaargh!!)

We got up to the room and the midwife asked me to go to the loo and do a urine sample before she examined me. (Now might be a good time to guess how dilated I was !) I sat down and she put a bowl underneath me. She then changed her mind and before I could do a wee she asked me to climb on the bed instead. I climbed on and with one foot planted and the other under my bottom as I wasn’t quite properly on the bed yet she said “don’t push cath, no pushing, pant pant pant no pushing, here’s your baby”.

At 3.33am Baby Evie effectively fell out in her amniotic sac in 33 seconds under strict instructions to actively NOT push as she would have come out too quickly! My midwife had spotted her head coming out when I sat on the loo and decided to take immediate action before I lost my baby down the toilet!

It’s now no surprise to me that I couldn’t walk and how intense the pain was when I was in the bath at home. I have to say that it was the shortest of all my labours but the most intense because I literally had no break in between contractions. And because I was so confused by where I was in the whole process. THat said, the delivery was the easiest of them all and did not hurt one bit – no ring of fire, no stinging. All I experienced was a relief not dissimilar to dislodging something that’s been annoyingly stuck in your teeth for a long time!

I’m very relieved I didn’t wait till 6am to wake Rob

So for my swan song, here are my final tips.

Do your perineal stretching. If there is one thing that you only do, do this and do it regularly. It works. i attribute 3 children with no tearing to regular perineal massage from 36 weeks, plus birthing positions that allow gravity to work its magic and open you up (eg squatting)
Use a hypobirthing cd and even if you think it is a load of rubbish and it isn’t working, listen to it anyway.
Close your eyes during contractions.
Make sure people know not to talk to you during contractions
Use sound effectively(again – “think orgasm not bikini wax”). Keep your groans low.
Relax your jaw and shoulders
Do yoga or some sort of yoga dvd which incorporates squats and hip openers
walk walk walk
Don’t expect labour to do what the text book says it does. If you are having back to back contractions that are unbearable and go straight down into your bottom it is quite possibly a sign that you are quite far into your labour, no matter what has come before this!
If your hypnobirthing doesn’t subconsciously kick in, like me, because everything is so fast and furious just make yourself a list of things to remember (jaw and shoulders, keep your sounds low, close your eyes) and make sure your partner knows to remind you of this.
Train your husband not to be useless prior to the event (Nadia’s workshops are great! nadia, as as sidenote may i also suggest you incorporate a note to new dads instructing them NOT to complain that they are “exhausted” or complain “my back is killing me” days after you have given birth.)
And finally DO YOUR PERINEAL STRETCHING!
i am now off to feed my little girl who feeds very two hours for an hour and a quarter giving me 45 minutes off in between (final final tip might therefore be to enjoy the baby while it is still inside and organise help if you have older siblings! i learned this through bitter experience with number two!)

Nadia, unless there is an accident of colossal proportions or we win the lottery i will not be joining you for birth prep again. THANK YOU for everything!!!!

This time, my goal was to handle the experience much more calmly.   While I thought I had prepared mentally before, I hadn’t really  appreciated the dedication and practice it takes to prepare mentally –  the difference between knowing things as theory and having practiced  them so much that the techniques and thought processes kick in all by  themselves when they are needed.  We all know we are more relaxed when  we breathe properly, of course it’s relaxing to imagine a nice beach,  and yes dropping your jaw and shoulders takes the tension out of your  body but I can;t stress enough – the difference between knowing and  practicing them is MASSIVE ( I know – I’m sorry i’m preaching to the  converted but allow me my little eureka moment!)

I started at about 30 weeks listening to the natal hypnotherapy cds.   They hadn’t done much for me last time but I hadn’t listened to them  enough – I almost dismissed them as being too obvious and wrote down  notes from them once as if cramming for an exam.  This time I listened  about 4 times a week before I went to sleep and knew they must be  doing at least something when i actually started falling asleep to them.

Then, on your recommendation, at 36 weeks I saw Lucy Symons – a  hypnotherapist who comes to your home and records you your own  personal cd.  She talked me through tips for coping – again ones that  sound obvious but need practice and repetition and i listened to her  cd in conjunction with the other one.

So the day after my due date, after a wonderful sleep I woke up  thinking what a wonderful day it would be to go into labour because it  was a weekend and we had childcare on tap for my son James.  At about  11.30 I went for a walk to the shops and started to feel a bit  twingey.  I called rob and told him it might be something, or it might  be nothing but that maybe his sister should come anyway to take  james.  At least that way we were covered.  I went home and ate bread  and jam as that’s what i’d eaten the day i went into labour with james  and it felt somehow symbolic!  I was feeling a bit period painy.

At about 2.30 I watched my sister in law drive away with james and at  that point i started experiencing medium to strong period pains.   Strange how my body waited till he was safe.  They were coming every 3  minutes and lasting about a minute.  With every one I did what Lucy  taught me to do.  I counted down from 10, to 1 with each out breath.  It sounds really simple but it made my mind focus on the numbers and  not the pain .  And also by the time i got to 5 i knew i had broken  the back of it.  Meanwhile rob rubbed my back and put a hot pack on my  lower back which was wonderful.  I thought about relaxing my shoulders  and jaw which made me relax into every contraction rather than run  from it and it immediately helped.  However Rob and I were still  completely unsure about where i was with it all.  He pointed out that  i was much more compus mentus than last time.  He called my midwife (I  was lucky enough to have my own on the nhs – the same as last time)  and I was able to talk to her normally – I told her i was coping fine  and would come in when i needed gas and air – to ignore rob as he was  just worried he would have to deliver the baby at home.  The  contractions stayed the same frequency and length.  My only indication  that things were progressing were that my out breaths were moving from  blowing the candle out breaths, to “mmmmms” to sighs to groans.   focusing on keeping my voice at a low humming tone really helped.  We  just weren’t really sure whether i was in labour or pre labour.

At 3.30 i went to the loo.  THe weirdest thing happened – i felt  something moving down.  ”oh my god it’s a head” i thought.  So i had a  feel but it felt too soft to be a head.  ”oh my god i’m prolapsing”  i  thought “and how unfair to prolapse when about to have a baby”.   ”Rob”, I shouted, “something strange is happening!”  .  He ran to the  loo just in time to hear a plop and a splash “Oh my god” he thought  ”she’s dropped the baby down the loo”.  Well it wasn’t the baby – it  was my waters breaking – i had felt them coming down in their sack.   But it did show that if rob thought i could just “drop the baby down  the loo” he didn’t really appreciate the effort required for labour  and childbirth!

Anyway at that point we decided regardless of how calm and normal I  was and the fact that contractions were only a minute long we would go  to the hospital as things progressed pretty quickly after my waters  broke last time.  The taxi ride was a bit rough – I kneeled on the  back seat and as lucy had taught me, kept my eyes closed to keep  myself in my own space.

At about 4.15 my midwife met us outside with a wheelchair which she  quickly decided i didn’t need so we put the luggage on it and went up  to the birthing centre.  WE all had a bit of a laugh about the “baby  down the loo/prolapse” panic.  Then we got to the room and between  contractions I joked with her about how my son had told me she was  going to dig the baby out with a spade.  I am sooo being sent home, I  thought.

Then I got up on the bed and she examined me.  ”Cath!” she said, “I  have some very good news! – you’re 9 CM!!!!!!!” My husband could NOT  believe it (even though i had told him women often get turned away  from hospitals when they’ve done hypnobirthing as people don’t believe  them.  She said she wasn’t going to examine me again – just to let my  body do what it wanted.

At that point my body relaxed even further.  And i think i gave myself  a bit of a break.  I stayed in one place, leaning over the bed and my  contractions shortened (I was only able to count down as far as 4 with  my out breaths and they spaced out a bit.  After an hour my midwife  stood me up and did some swaying with me – just the change in position  was enough to start the guttural contractions again.  I would count  down to 1 and then have to count back up again.  But one of the  phrases from my cd kept popping into my mind “You can choose to  perceive this contraction however you want”.  It would never have come  so automatically to mind if i hadn’t listened to it quite so much.   And the phrase “you will give birth to your baby with joy and  relaxation”.  It sounds like a load of rubbish until it’s so deeply  ingrained in your mind that you believe it!  Then she suggested a walk  across the room.  Even the few steps I took were enough to deepen the  contractions even further to that really grunting, pushing intensity.   But instead of “make it stop”  as i thought last time, I thought  ”that’s good, my baby’s moving even lower”.  I swear that kind of  calmness is totally alien to me even under daily circumstances!

6.30: It was obvious it was time to push.  I got up on the bed into  the same squatting position i had with james.  This time with rob  behind the bed with his arms under mine, supporting my weight.  I felt  the head coming out and stay there for a little bit, i felt some  stinging but all i could think was how amazing to feel my baby’s  head.  then some panting, then one more push and that big satisfying  slithery feel as gorgeous, perfect, amazing baby harry came into the  world.  My second stage was 5 minutes!!  And again I hadn’t torn.  He  was put on my chest immediately and all I could think was what an  amazing incredible birth. I loved every second of it and often replay  it in my head now because the whole thing was so calm and joyous  rather than some flashback to a medieval torture chamber.  My midwife  was elated – I had made the whole thing very easy for her she said.

I used to think it was a bit of a myth that you could be prepared for  childbirth but I am a classic example of someone who has been proven  totally wrong and therefore call all cynics out there to give proper  birth prep a go – but properly – with practice!  Here are the things I  am going to try and remember if there is ever a next time:

- Keep fit
- Yoga ( I did lots of seated forward wide leg bends and frog poses,  as last time to get my pelvis open)
- Perineal stretching
- Closing my eyes with every contraction so people know not to talk to  me
- Relaxing my jaw and shoulders
- Giving each out breath a number  - Counting down from 10 to 1 with  each out breath
- omming, hmmming and other such noises rather than screaming
- Realising that I don’t have to DO anything – my body knows what to  do and will do it all by itself
- Realising I’m in charge of how i perceive each contraction
- staying in the moment and not anticipating the next contraction
- Lots of hypnobirthing cds to remind me of all the above and make  them instinctive when the need kicks in.